Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
