when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
