didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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