Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
