Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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