so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
