i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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