Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
