there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
