um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
