then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
