Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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