White coat. Heels.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
