I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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