When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
