last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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