I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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