I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize