He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
