you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
