When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
