I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
