What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
