Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
