o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
