Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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