I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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