its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
