I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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