she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize