nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
