I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
