i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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