apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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