Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
