took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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