just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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