so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
