Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
