What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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