i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
