wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
