Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize