we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Still dying that you shit outside
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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