She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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