By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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