i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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