So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
