don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
