your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
