i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
