I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
