What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
