my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
