One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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