too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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