dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
