my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
