it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
