Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
