Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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