Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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