Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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