Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
