i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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