my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
