i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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